Hello everyone! We meet again for
Alright so let’s continue with another topic today. Sit in a comfortable position and read slowly, as today we’re going to share about a heavy topic amongst students and even adult –Conquering your insecurities.
But, why? Why do we need to talk about this topic. Well, Homeon9tuition is not just a centre that focus on your academic achievement, but also personal achievement which includes soft skills and self care. We believe that if students don’t beat their insecurities from early stage, they’ll struggle even harder in the future- college and workplace. There’s a quote about insecure whereby “ Students nowadays study to make sure they are able to get a good job or a better life, thus, they afraid they will become nothing.” The uncontrollable insecurities cause a shift in our life goal, even at the early stage. That’s why we prepare this article to help and guide you whenever you’re feeling anxious and insecure.
We are called as a narcissistic generation. We are told that technology and social media are giving us an inflated sense of self. But most of us don’t walk around feeling like we are all that great. In fact, there is one underlying emotion that overwhelmingly shapes our self-image and influences our behavior, and that is insecurity. If you could enter the minds of people around you, even the narcissistic ones, you’re likely to encounter ceaseless waves of insecurity. There isn’t a person amongst us who doesn’t have insecurities — some are just better at dealing with them, or perhaps hiding them.
A group of people carried out a research to evaluate people’s self-attacks (or “critical inner voices”). What they found is that the most common self-critical thought people have toward themselves is that they are different – not in a positive sense, but in some negative, alienating way. Whether our self-esteem is high or low, one thing is clear; we are a generation that compares, evaluates and judges ourselves with great scrutiny.
It’s clear that there are many things that shape our critical inner voice, from negative attitudes directed toward us to attitudes our parents had toward themselves. As we get older, we internalize these points of view as our own. We keep these attitudes alive by believing in our insecurities as we go along in life.
Homeon9tuition would like to explore where this insecurity comes from, why we are driven to put ourselves down and how this viewpoint affects us, so that we can start to challenge and overcome the destructive inner critic that limits our lives.
What makes us insecure with ourselves?
1. A negative self-image.
When people criticize you over the years, you start to criticize yourself. And all this criticism, along with unfavorable comparisons of yourself to others, results in a self-image that isn’t so great. It doesn’t matter if the reality doesn’t meet this self-image … we can be competent, brilliant, and beautiful, but if we have an image of ourselves that is ugly, dumb, and a failure, we will act according to that image.
2. Images in social media & the media.
We compare ourselves to the hot people we see on Instagram or other social media. We compare ourselves with the hot people in movies, TV, magazines. These images are meant to sell us, but the way they sell us is by making us feel insecure about ourselves, and then needing whatever it is that the celebrities are selling us in order for us to be as good as them.
3. Needing approval.
When someone gives us approval, that’s great! We feel we are worthy, and beautiful. But the problem then becomes that we need more approval to keep this self-image, and we fear not getting the approval because then this great self-image will go away. We become stuck in a cycle of needing constant approval, and fearing disapproval. We read into everything that everyone says and does, in real life and on social media, in terms of approval or disapproval. This becomes a fearful cycle of need.
4. Lack of trust.
We learn not to trust other people to stick with us, to accept us, to see our side of things as understandable. This is trained in us over the years as people do things that we think of as abandonment or rejection. We stop trusting in the moment to turn out alright.
5. Not accepting things about ourselves.
In the end, the result is that we reject large parts of ourselves. We don’t like that we are overweight, or have pimples, or something about our bodies. It’s amazing, because even people you think have amazing bodies — they reject things about their bodies! We also reject parts of our inner selves, the parts that are undisciplined or uncaring or fearful or lazy. We reject the parts of ourselves that are insecure.
Those are a lot of obstacles to deal with! And that highlights why this takes courage, and why the fix isn’t simple.
But there is a way forward.
The question is: how do we overcome these insecurities?
How do we become OK with ourselves? How do we learn to find contentment and peace?
Homeon9tuition has the answer, but itisn’t simple. Itrequires one thing to start with: a willingness to face what we usually don’t want to face. That means a bit of courage. Just in small doses, to start with, but it means a willingness to set aside all the distractions for a little bit, and just focus on what you’re struggling with.
Do you have that courage? If so, let’s start.
Road to Deal with Insecurity
Homeon9tuition believes that this process will not be easy. With change always comes anxiety. These defenses and critical inner voices have been with you your whole life, and they can feel uncomfortable to challenge. When you do change, expect the voices to get louder. Your insecurities aren’t likely to vanish overnight, but slowly, through perseverance, they will start to weaken. Whenever you notice an attack come up, stand up to it and don’t indulge in its directives. If you want to be healthy, don’t let it lure you to avoid exercise.
Here’s the secret: The obstacles actually show us the path. The obstacles are the path.
We can embrace these obstacles and work with them. In order to do that, Homeon9tuition wants you to start develop an awareness of when our insecurities are arising. We can use them as a mindfulness bell, ringing when we are troubled by fears and mistrust, telling us, “Hey! There’s so good material to work with here.”
And that’s they key: All of our insecurities are actually an opportunity to do some good work, to learn about how we work, to develop skills that will help us for life.
So start to pay attention, and notice when you’re being driven by insecurity. And then do the following work:
1. Forgive the past.
If your insecurities have been shaped by a relative or authority figure criticizing you, recognize this. Then start to forgive them. Understand that they were driven by their own insecurities, struggling with their own demons. They behave imperfectly, but we all do. They weren’t right in what they did, but you can understand it nonetheless. And forgive them for their bad behavior, because holding on to resentment isn’t helping you. Let the past go, one step at a time.
2. Accept all of yourself.
Pause and take a self-assessment. Homestay wants you to notice the parts of yourself, both your body and your inner self, that you don’t like. Take a look at these parts of you, and see if you can send them love. See them for the imperfect parts of you that they are, deserving of love as a friend who is imperfect also deserves love. Think about how you’d treat this imperfect friend, and be the same way toward yourself. Give yourself assurance, give yourself compassion. Embrace all the parts of you, nobbly bits and all, and see the beauty in them. They are what make you who you are, and they are wonderful.
3. Practice self-approval.
If you notice yourself wanting someone else’s approval, their praise and attention, their likes and retweets … pause, and instead replace that with self-approval. You can take away the power of others to approve you if you appropriate that power for yourself. You don’t need anyone else’s approval but your own. That doesn’t mean you don’t want connection with others, or love, but you can love others and be loved by them while also being self-approved. Accept yourself, completely, love yourself. And that’s all you need.
4. Embrace non-comparison.
Comparison of yourself with how others look, what they’re doing, where they’re traveling, how much fun they’re having … it’s never a useful comparison, and it actively harms you. Instead, when you see someone else, instead of comparing yourself with them, see them as apples to your oranges. Be happy that they’re having fun, be joyful for their successes. They’re on a completely different path from you, and they can be happy and have a great time and you can too, on your own path. Wish everyone well, but see their awesomeness as different from yours.
5. Focus on Becoming More Spontaneous
One of the best ways to train that “insecurity” muscle is to challenge yourself to live more spontaneously.
One of the tutors defines living spontaneously means embracing a lighthearted nature, it means being more curious and adventurous. However, to live this way requires that you stop taking life so seriously.
Embrace joy, laughter, excitement and commit yourself to having fun. In fact, from time-to-time, why not make a fool of yourself? Embarrass yourself silly and learn to laugh at your goof-ups and mistakes. And then encourage others to do the same. 😉
Living life in this way will allow you the freedom to be yourself — to be your true authentic self. And living this way will provide you with the platform you need to overcome your insecurities.
6. Live by Your Own Rules and Standards
We often fall into the insecurity trap when we’re living by other people’s rules, standards, and expectations. We do this to impress others — to win them over. However, by trying to win other people over, we lose touch with what truly makes us happy.
Instead of living a life dictated by others, choose to write your own script. Homeon9tuition wants you to set your own rules and personal standards for living, and then clearly define your personal boundaries. Use these boundaries as a deterrent that keeps people at a safe distance, so they don’t intrude on your happiness. Ask yourself:
- How do I want to be treated by others?
- What will I accept and won’t I accept?
- What personal boundaries will I set that will give me the freedom to be myself?
This, of course, doesn’t mean that you should close yourself off from everyone around you. We all need special people in our lives.
You are the one who gets to choose how to set and when to set these boundaries. They are there to give you the personal space you need to be your true authentic self. They are also there to protect you from those people who constantly make you feel inadequate and insecure.
7. Commit to doing your very best in every situation, and leave it at that.
Remember, that your best will be different every time and is affected by your state of mind and unique circumstances. Therefore, don’t measure your best by what you did or failed to do in the past. The past no longer matters. What counts is what you did today. Measure what you’re capable of doing right now, and leave it at that.
8. Commit to Consistently Developing Yourself
One of the most effective ways for overcoming insecurity is to commit yourself to becoming a lifelong learner. This, of course, isn’t a quick fix for your insecurities. However, it is something that will play in your favor over the long-run.
When you commit yourself to becoming a lifelong learner, you take responsibility for developing your skills, for growing your knowledge, and for improving various aspects of your life.
As you learn and grow in this way, you naturally start feeling more confident, competent, and capable. And as you develop yourself in these key areas your insecurities typically begin to fade away without much effort. However, this process takes time, and you may not see visible results for a while. But as long as you stay committed, things will eventually pay off in the long-run.
9. Keep a Success Journal of Your Life’s Journey
Another long-term strategy that will pay off in the future is to keep a journal of your life’s journey.
Within this journal, you will keep track of all your personal successes and accomplishments. Moreover, you will list down all your positive qualities, attributes, and strengths that got you through challenging times.
Each day Homeon9tuition suggests you take 5 minutes to journal how the day went and the positive qualities, attributes, and strengths that got you through that day. Moreover, list down all your successes and how they came about.
As you continue this daily journaling ritual, you will quickly find that it snowballs over time. All those positive things you wrote about will coalesce into a giant wave of confidence that pumps up your self-esteem and miraculously helps you to surmount all your insecurities.
Yes, this might seem too good to be true, but I assure you it will happen. It will just take time for your insecurities to progressively fade away. As long as you stick with it and stay consistent, that’s all that matters.
This is the path. You find the things you’re struggling with, and learn to work with them. Learn to shift your perspective. Learn to see what’s tripping you up, and turn it into an opportunity to practice new skills.